How the Pinch Almost Stole Christmas

Every partner with ChoiceLocal liked high rankings a lot,
But the Pinch, who lived in the Internet, did NOT!
The Pinch hated growth, it made him quite tense!
Now, please don’t ask why; it doesn’t make sense.

It could be his algorithms weren’t programmed just right.
It could be his strategies were far too uptight.
But I think the most likely reason of all
Was that his data set was way too small.

Whatever the reason, broken links or low views,
He stood there looking at rankings, hating the news.
Staring down from his dark web cave with a stark, Pinchy frown,
He noticed websites performing all-around.

For he knew that ChoiceLocal was winning the race,
Improving leads and rankings, keeping steady pace.
“They’re optimizing their sites!” the Pinch snarled with a sneer.
“Partners will be #1; it’s ever so clear!”
Then he growled, with his fingers tapping on code,
“I MUST find a way to stop their customer load!”

For tomorrow, he knew, all the partners would win,
With organic clicks rolling, leaving him in a spin.
And then! Oh, the clicks! Oh, the clicks! Clicks! Clicks! Clicks!
That’s one thing the Pinch hated – the CLICKS! CLICKS! CLICKS! CLICKS!

Then the clients, big and small, would stand in a ring,
Pinging about strategy and ROI everything.
They’d ping! And they’d ping! And they’d PING! PING! PING! PING!
And the more Pinch thought of their ROI pinging,
The more he thought, “I must come out swinging!
Why, for years I’ve been watching their climb to the top!
I must stop this success! It just has to stop!”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
The Pinch got a wicked, awful idea!
“I know what to do,” he laughed, his data glowing,
“I’ll sabotage their rankings without them knowing!
And he cackled and clucked, “What a sneaky trick!
With my spammy, overstuffed, weak keyword tactics, I’ll make them feel sick!”

He crept into ChoiceLocal’s long partner list,
Ruining PPC and making sure nothing was missed.
He clogged up the site with irrelevant links,
And swapped out social content with what no one thinks.
But just as he finished, all ready to flee,
Something caught his ear, surprising as could be!

It was the sound of the partners, not angry, but glad!
Their campaigns weren’t ruined – things weren’t that bad!
Because ChoiceLocal had built trust so strong,
That Pinch couldn’t stop winning all along!

The Pinch was puzzled – how could this be?
He didn’t realize ChoiceLocal offered a guarantee.
Then he realized something he hadn’t before:
ChoiceLocal offers lead growth and so much more.
It’s about trust, good tactics, engagement, and care,
With quality strategies filling the air.

And what happened then? Well, it was easy – a cinch:
ChoiceLocal’s partners felt less and less of the Pinch.
And the rest of us know, that, given your druthers,
Goodness comes when you pause to Help Others.

About ChoiceLocal

ChoiceLocal is a franchise marketing agency dedicated to leading a purpose-driven business as the first and only franchise marketing agency with a money-back guarantee. This has led to successful partnerships with over 50 franchise brands and a spot on the Inc. 5000 fastest-growing companies. Our core values are driven not only by the digital marketing work that is done but reflected by each person who becomes a teammate; we volunteer in our local communities every quarter and make a difference to those around us. Named a top workplace for four years straight, ChoiceLocal is dedicated to making the lives of everyone we are involved with better.